Some things never change

From a broadsheet printed in 1664 on tea (spelling revised to modern standard as best I can)

The Peculiar Virtues are these:

It maketh the Body active and lusty, strengthening the Muscles and Sinews
It helpeth the Headache, Giddings and Heavings thereof
It removeth the Obstructions of the Spleen
Its very good against the Stone and Gravel, cleansing the Kidneys and Ureteries
It taketh away the difficulty of breathing, opening Obstructions
Its good against Lipitude, Distillations, and cleareth the Sight
It removeth Lassitude, and cleanseth and purifieth adult Humors, and Hot Liver
Its good against Crudities
It stregtheneth the weakness of the Ventricle or Stomach, and causeth a good Appetite and Digestion
It vanquisheth heavy Dreams, easeth the Brain, stregtheneth the Memory
It overcometh superfluous Sleep, and prevents Sleepiness in general, a draught of the Infusion being taken, so that without trouble Whole Nights may be spent in study, without hurt to the Body, in that it moderately heateth and bindeth the mouth of the Stomach.
It prevents Agues, Surfets, and Fevers, by infusing a fit quantity of the Leaf, thereby provoking a most gentle Vomit, and breathing of the Pores
It assuiageth the Pains of the Bowels
It cureth the Colds, Dropsies, and Scurvys, by a proper Infusion, purging the Blood by Sweat and Urine, and expellenth Infections
It purgeth safely the Gall

Now all we need is
It cureth the Cancer

And we’re good for an ad for the newest Snapple Peach flavoured iced white tea.


Comments

Some things never change — 3 Comments

  1. I don’t think they identified cancer back-th in the day-th.
    At least it didn’t raise the dead and cure HIV like modern ones claim.

    I think some of the things on the list might not bee so far fetched though.

    It maketh the Body active and lusty, strengthening the Muscles and Sinews
    It makes me perky
    It helpeth the Headache, Giddings and Heavings thereof
    I get headaches if I don’t drink tea
    Its very good against the Stone and Gravel, cleansing the Kidneys and Ureteries
    Drinking lots of tea makes you pee
    It taketh away the difficulty of breathing, opening Obstructions
    Stimulants do help like.. asthema I think
    Its good against Lipitude, Distillations, and cleareth the Sight
    Not sure what Lipitude or Distillations are. Sometimes when I drink something with strong qi, I think my eyesight does get better shortly. On strong strong hits, sometimes I get slightly tunnel vision and the area in the center is very clear.
    It stregtheneth the weakness of the Ventricle or Stomach, and causeth a good Appetite and Digestion
    Yum Cha!!!!
    It vanquisheth heavy Dreams, easeth the Brain, stregtheneth the Memory
    mmmm caffeine
    It overcometh superfluous Sleep, and prevents Sleepiness in general, a draught of the Infusion being taken, so that without trouble Whole Nights may be spent in study, without hurt to the Body, in that it moderately heateth and bindeth the mouth of the Stomach.
    ditto caffeine
    It cureth the Colds, Dropsies, and Scurvys, by a proper Infusion, purging the Blood by Sweat and Urine, and expellenth Infections
    Sweat.. sounds like qi, and peeing is good for bladder/urinary infections.

  2. No, I added the cancer part in case that wasn’t clear.

    But you get the drift — health claims are all there. We just added more EGCG and other terminology.

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